I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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