the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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