Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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