Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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