i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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