Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
