he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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