am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
