I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
