if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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