I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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