I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My penis needs a shock collar
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
