physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
