I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
