I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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