so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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