i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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