hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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