Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
