My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
