my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
