The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
