He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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