her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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