apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
