i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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