Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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