I want to have your abortion
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i think i just lost a toe
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
