I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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