Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
