Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
