I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
