My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
