And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
