you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
