Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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