I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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