somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
