Jerry, you need to find god
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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