I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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