The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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