Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
