yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
