I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
not ubering you a puppy
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
