i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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