She's JV to your varsity
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
