no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
