how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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