I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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