I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
