how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
