i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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