Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Randomize
