I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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