planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
