chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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