i think my tv is drunk
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
