i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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