U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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