Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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