he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
