some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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