And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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