would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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