i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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