we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
