Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
