my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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