Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
