She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
