I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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