well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
did you just send me my own nude
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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