woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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