your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
