first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
