My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
