I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
