im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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