i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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