Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
