hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
