Pappa wants mamma naked
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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