Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
