she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
