I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
