So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
