I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
