i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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