I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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