Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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