Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
