I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
