Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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