garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Fuck appropriateness.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
