after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
