He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
