quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
