i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize