I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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