sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
