he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
