im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
