The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
