HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
