i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Someone came in the potted fern
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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