I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
